First World Problems

I live in the First World and I have problems. Some people call this ‘White Whine’, but as I’m not technically white, I prefer the term ‘First World Problems’.

I’ve just returned from a week in the English countryside, where we had a lot of rain, and very little Internet access.

I found small transient pockets of 3G as we whizzed through towns. As husband drove, I frantically updated and refreshed as many mobile apps as possible. Then I had to put down the phones as we swerved through green hedge-lined tunnels of car-sickness.

Getting a decent Internet connection was a complete pain in the bum. So we ate a wide and varied selection of fried fish and fried potatoes, moaned about the weather, and watched Jubilee TV.

Here is my current list of other First World Problems:

• I don’t buy yoghurt because there are too many choices, and anyway, it’s just a pretend-healthy tub of sugar + dairy nonsense.
• The cafés at garden centres have uncomfortable seating.
• My mobile phone screen is always smeared with ear grease.
• I have too many plastic shopping bags, but I don’t want to put them in the rubbish because they will enter the waterways and strangle dolphins.
• I still don’t know which of my relatives I should add to Facebook. I think mum has stopped trying to Friend me.
• I am a little bit embarrassed when my (Chinese) parents bring their own toothpicks to (non-Chinese) restaurants, and pick their teeth after a meal.
• I don’t have time to read Vanity Fair properly anymore.
• My Kindle now looks out of date and unfashionable.
• I still don’t let my kids to wear Crocs in public. Unless we are near a large body of water.
• I don’t know what threadcount my sheets are.
• I read blogs written by people who are more creative, funny, rich, stylish and/or youthful than me. It makes me feel inadequate.