A life less digital

Author: alifelessdigital

  • Top tips for enjoyable flying with babies and kids

    I am not part of the flying sisterhood. As the exhausted, grim-faced mother unbuckled herself and struggled to her feet yet again, I just felt sooooo pleased I wasn’t flying with a baby.

    From back here, between my two TV-sedated kids, I saw her reach in to the bassinet. It looked like she was trying to stuff a boiling, seething mass of tiny arms and legs and teddies and dummies and blankets in to a shoe box. A small part of me felt sorry for her. A larger, more smug, part of me was just glad it wasn’t me…

    Top tips for enjoyable flying with babies and kids:

    – Leave kids behind at airport staring dumbstruck at 1 kg blocks of duty free chocolate.
    – Ensure husband’s inflight TV doesn’t work so he has to hold the baby.
    – Find all the sick sacks or vomit bags you can as soon as you sit down. Sometimes one is not enough.
    – For several years before you fly, strictly control the amount of TV your kids are allowed to watch. Then let them loose on the plane. Yes, you can watch that film 3 times in a row!
    – Replace your real baby with a life-like educational doll. Much, much more placid.
    – Remember to charge the iPad fully. And stop lecturing your toddler on why they should be gentle with it. If you hand it over, it is possible that they want to bash Dora the Explorer’s head with a fork.
    – For girls, try to guess which ridiculous diamond-encrusted watch mummy likes in the airline magazine.
    – For boys, try to assess the relative probability of different flying-related risks on each route eg ash clouds, engine failure, computer malfunctions, pilot narcolepsy.
    – Have lots of “skin to skin” time with your baby. People won’t make eye contact with you if you’re naked.
    – Drop a bag of small sweets on the floor and let the kids eat as many as they can find. Sweets that roll well are more fun.

  • Where do you go when you press Home?

    Where do you go when you press Home?

    Does your life have a ‘Home’ button? I’m back home (Sydney) after a brief visit to London (new home). My old house is empty and my new house is waiting for me. I’ve never been very attached to a particular location.  Home is wherever I am with my own little family.

    Technology is helping to create a homesickness prevention barrier. I’ve made heartfelt promises to email, Skype, tweet and update many many people. And when I have time, I will even put pen to paper.

    I am a busy body

    The busier I am, the less time I have to tell people how busy I am. Twitter and Facebook are not part of my core communications strategy matrix. (Can you tell I used to work in an agency?)

    Some of the things I might have mentioned if I’d been social online in the last weeks:

    • Black cabs only take cash? WTF?
    • I may have missed the wedding, but I do have a Catherine & William commemorative Oyster card.
    • The estate agent looks young enough to be my son. His suit has too many nifty seams to be professional.
    • Camden Market is horrible. Too many giant horse-themed sculptures.
    • Kids would rather smash gravel with hammers than talk to me on phone.
    • Want to take video of the local streets, but worried that I look creepy.
    • I got little pile of crisps/ chips with my sandwich! One of the major reasons for moving to the UK…
    • Have never asked to move seats on a plane because of another passenger’s smell. Until now. I was very discreet.
    • First words from son upon my return: “My snot is the same colour as your top.” I did get a hug after that though.

    Here’s one I wrote earlier

    • Welcome home away from home “So how does it feel to be home?” I’ve come home to Melbourne. A city that I grew up in and left behind. I’ve left my London home. A city that I settled in but, in the end, wasn’t somewhere that I wanted to settle down.
    • Gluten-induced homesickness Fresh sourdough toast with jam and ricotta has made me ponder moving back to Sydney. A fig Danish pastry has triggered layers of crispy homesickness. A pork and fennel sausage roll has almost brought me to tears.

  • From here to over there

    Can you tell where I’m writing this blog from? I don’t know where you are and, mostly, it doesn’t matter where I am. But I’m moving house. To a galaxy far far away… Or rather, from Sydney to London. There may be a few more “Now that I am in London …” posts.

    It’s all at once exciting, terrifying, sad and brilliant.

    Happy face 🙂

    • All the years of Facebook stalking old London friends and colleagues have paid off. I’m already building a London network.
    • As I say goodbye to my friends and family, they inevitably mention Skype and email and Facebook. We’re never truly cut off from each other are we?
    • The process of filing and organising our possessions has left me lighter and more streamlined.
    • The great big Internet has been incredibly useful for researching London. I can’t quite remember how I used to prepare for trips, pre-WWW. Travel brochures? Old guidebooks from the library? Static-filled, echoing phone calls to distant relatives, worrying about how much the call cost per second?
    • I can stop obsessing about avoiding skin cancer.

    Sad face 😦

    • I’m quite happy here. I sometimes wonder if what we are going to, will be worth what we are leaving. My dad always says: “One door shuts, another one opens”. I’m just poking my head around the London door and gently closing the Sydney one behind me.
    • Sydney is such an easy place to live. As Joni Mitchell sang in Big Yellow Taxi “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone?” [I love the bit about the tree museum … and right at the end when she does crazy high and low singing.]
    • I will very quickly develop a BBC-style English accent. Probably within hours of landing. I’m not taking the piss*. My brain just switches over to Penelope Keith and when I try to speak Australian, I sound like Steve Irwin.
    • Skype and Facebook are just not the same as chatting over a mountain of dumplings (see above).
    • Gloves, hats, scarves, coats. Even more bits of clothing for the kids to lose.

    *That’s Australian for mocking something…

     Anecdote: One of my older lady colleagues in the UK told me that she had never travelled abroad, and never planned to. She didn’t have any specific complaints, but just thought that she “might not like it over there”.

    Brought to you by the InterWeb – Tiny tiny mail

    I am hoping that my friends might keep in touch via the world’s smallest post office.

  • Your digital footprint is a pain in my neck

    We need to reduce our digital footprints. That is a polite way of saying “Stop tweeting about where you are bloody drinking, or what you said to the cute bartender.” I stopped following Stephen Fry on twitter, because it was TOO MUCH.

    Give me a giant vacuum cleaner to suck up all the digital life lint hiding under the information super-sofa.  If that’s not possible:

    • Do not CC me in on every freaking email just in case I need to be ‘in the loop” or to cover your own arse.
    • Do not forward me funny PowerPoint slide shows, or warnings about thieves in supermarket car parks.
    • Buy a paper diary and write in it. With a pen. And put it away.

    My teenage diaries – WTF?

    Last night I found a stash of diaries from my first years at uni. It’s very strange to read  so much without encountering a single acronym like ‘OMG’ or ‘BTW’.

    It was a fascinating leap back in to the mind of my 17-year old self, but I can’t imagine it being interesting for anyone else. I kept documenting exactly who I sat next to, talked to, who didn’t talk to me or walked past me etc.

    Some of it was absolutely excruciating – the weird obsessions, insecurities and raw emotions of my teenage self. [Why did I decide to go on a diet? I’ve got a cracking Chinese metabolism, so I can only imagine that it was because everyone else was …]

    I am truly grateful that none of it is online, floating around, waiting to embarrass me, or the subjects of my observations.

    So, please protect the rainforest,  save the coral reefs and watch your digital footprint.

    The dentists’ favourite USB memory stick

    On the subject of memory, my dad went to a dental conference and got this cool USB flash drive. It’s 2GB, so imagine just how many embarrassing diary entries I could have stored on it.

    dentist USB memory stick
    The best conference freebie USB memory stick!

     

    dentist USB memory stick head
    Useful and attractive

  • Pictures of words

    Someone has poured concrete in to my sinus cavities (I have a cold). This is a lazy ‘picture post’ today.  I am too tired to write many words, so here are some pictures of words that have made me smile …

    This moon is the property of steve
    Isn't Steve a lucky man?

    I saw this sign first.. and it made me smile. Then just a few doors down, I saw this next sign …

    trespassers electrocution
    Awesome and friendly people!

    And can you see the tiny “No uterus no opinion” sign as well? Teehee.

    note on car
    A bit of an odd note, but quite sweet.

    [Poor picture quality blamed on iPhone camera…]

    I saw this note left on my neighbour’s car one day. The note said:

    “i miss you. come back soon. the cats are waiting and there’s an egg in the toilet bowl. always remember where you were born because someday you’ll fight a midget there.”

    Wise words indeed.

    i love you chalk writing
    I love you too

    One day I was calling out to my son to come inside. I was getting annoyed as he kept saying “I’m just finishing…” And later, this is what I found written outside the back door!

  • Show me your private parts

    Pre-digital privacy was such a clear concept:

    • Teenage diary with “Keep Out. Private.” written on the cover
    • Letters addressed to you
    • Your phone calls made at home, in a room with the door shut
    • Holiday photos stuck in a photo album.

    I’m making my own decisions about what I share with people I’ve never met (like some of you dear readers).

    My private parts

    • My location. I don’t want everyone to know where I am all of the time. And I can’t be bothered doing it. Or constantly reading about what supermarket you are in.
    • My kids. Hmmm… I’m just not sure about putting my kids’ details and pictures out on the public web. They are, of course, very photogenic and clever and amusing. Maybe when they’re older, and able to actively consent to it, I can make them famous.
    • Facebook. Many years ago, my best friend’s mum read her diary – a serious breach of schoolgirl diary protocol. Do the modern youth also feel so protective about their status updates?
    • Religion. I prefer not to discuss my god, gods, gurus or higher powers. I’m still working it out.
    • Domestic arguments. Some neighbours had a long-running domestic breakdown in their backyard. It was messy and noisy and painful to listen to.

    My public parts

    • The bathroom. In a small house with small kids, our bathroom is just another room. It’s not unusual for all of us to be in the bathroom at the same time – one in the shower, one on the toilet and the others just chatting. Family time.
    • Twitter. I’m on it. Follow me @lorrainel if you wish, but I can’t guarantee the quality of my tweets!
    • This blog. I started “A life less digital” because I had so many thoughts whirling through my mind, and not enough people to rant to. I just have to remember that anyone in the world can read my blog. Greetings to my former colleagues and potential employers.
    • My name. Lorraine Leung. I’m not using a pseudonym because this is my blog about my thoughts. Good blogs reflect the personality and passion of real people. I’m not a poor student being paid $2 per blog article. Promise.

    Here’s one I wrote later…

    Pictures of my kids, or not? My kids are too attractive to put pictures of them in my blog. Their beauty and grace would make you weep tears of joyous wonder over your keyboard, rendering you unable to see or type.

    Brought to you by the Interweb – My 1920s name

    I grew up thinking I was unique, but if you Google me, there are quite a few of me around. Other Lorraine Leungs seem to have better careers and more friends than I do.

    According to the Namevoyager, my name ‘Lorraine’ was most popular in the 1920s.

  • How Star Wars took over my life

    I used to like Star Wars quite a lot. As a young-ish urban childless New Media professional, basic Star Wars knowledge was mandatory.  We all spoke fondly of the original films, and bitched about the betrayal of the prequels.

    Now my family has surrounded me in Star Wars again, and I am thoroughly sick of it. I trip over Lightsabers left in the hallway. I step on dismembered Lego Star Wars figures. I try to block out the sound of my boy humming the Star Wars theme song.

    However, with some effort, I can think of a few positive things about Star Wars:

    • The kids use The Force to attack each other when they’re playing Star Wars, rather than traditional hitting, kicking etc. Non-contact violence.
    • Like all good space operas, the Star Wars films have interesting storylines for the kids to re-enact and interpret. The plot is just as important to them as the spaceships and weapons. The gadgets and technology are part of the Star Wars world, but not the main focus.
    • I understand why Jar Jar Binks exists. To little kids, he is a comic genius.
    • Princess Leia sometimes gets involved in the fighting, so my daughter can join in the battles. (We pretend that Princess Leia has a Lightsaber too …)

    My Star Wars home

    Here is some photographic evidence of the Star Wars-enhanced home I live in.

    Lightsaber in toilet rollI found this in the bathroom one morning. A simple tribute to the Lightsaber by my boy…

    Princess Leia trapped in sticky tape
    Princess Leia trapped in sticky tape

    Han Solo may have been encased in Carbonite, but see what happens to poor Princess Leia in our house. I spent ages looking everywhere for this damn figure, then my daughter told me that “The princess was stuck-ed”.

    star wars lego on shelf
    Dad’s Star Wars Lego – do not touch!

    My husband keeps his ‘vintage’ Star Wars Lego safe on top of our bookshelf. When little kids come over, they stand there wide-eyed looking up at it. I feel a bit silly saying: “No, you can’t play with that, it’s special Lego for adults.”

    Lightsabers and vacuum cleaner
    Lightsaber storage disaster

    The Lightsabers are stuffed in behind a door, amongst umbrellas and bits of a vacuum cleaner. When will Ikea come up with a Lightsaber storage solution?

    Brought to you by the Interweb – Star Wars as an educational tool

    I’m not too sure about this – Lucas Learning was set up by George Lucas to provide “technology-based instructional materials
    that make learning challenging, engaging and fun.”  Hmmmm – shameless merchandising, anyone?

  • I am a Chinese Mummy blogger – hear me roar

    Warning- this post will not mention Amy Chua, Tiger moms, Chinese parenting or violin lessons.

    WTF are Mummy/mommy bloggers?

    I hate ‘mummy/mommy blogger’. I just blog. Whether I do it with or without post-baby boobs is irrelevant.

    I also hate the phrase ‘yummy mummy’. I efficiently made and delivered two custom-designed human specimens. I do not need to be described as a delicious female dessert to feel valued.

    Racial profiling BY (not of) homeless people

    The homeless guy asking for money walked past quite a few people before he stopped at me. He stopped because I look generic-Asian and he was Vietnamese. I know this because he asked said hello in several Asian languages, asked me what country I was from, and told me he was from Vietnam.

    My thoughts: I don’t generally give money to drug ‘influenced’ people in the street, hassling at train stations, no matter what colour you are.

    Walking home, a thin old Chinese man with long white hair and beard glared at me. As he strode past, he shouted: “They’re lying to you. Australia is shit. They’ve been lying to us Chinese for 30 years!”

    My thoughts: Great beard. I’m quite happy in Australia. Why 30 years exactly? I hope you’re not one of my uncles…

    Brought to you by the Internet – Asian dictionary and racist Power Rangers

    This Asian dictionary is pretty funny http://disgrasian.com/dictionary/. And I never noticed that the old Power Rangers were racist! http://shaynacommunicates.blogspot.com/2009/10/mighty-racist-power-rangers.html

  • Things I say to my kids that my mum never said to me

    Here are some things I say to my kids that my mum never said to me. Modern parenting just seems a little more complicated these days …

    “No, we cannot buy that on eBay.”

    “Go play Angry Birds on dad’s phone. Mine has no games on it.” (I’m lying to them, but it stops them playing with my phone.)

    “Who re-programmed the dishwasher again?”

    “That’s called ADVERTISING. They want us to spend our money on more stuff we don’t need.”

    “I don’t know the answer why. I’ll look it up on the Web later.” (See my earlier post Curiosity killed (by) the Internet.)

    “If you don’t finish your homework, you can’t play Star Wars games on the computer.”

    “Stop right-clicking the mouse! Use the other finger!”

    “No, the Lego company does not use the money we give them to help poor people.” (A true answer to a real question about whether Lego existed to help the disadvantaged…)

    “Can you please help your sister find the Angelina Ballerina website? Make sure you turn off that sound!”

    “It’s full of chemicals and I don’t think it’s good for you. Have some organic locally-produced cold-pressed vitamin-enriched guava infusion instead.”

    “Shall we Skype our friends in America?”

    “I’m making dinner. I can’t find Puff the Magic Dragon video on YouTube right now.”

    Brought to you by the Interweb – Angry Birds film

    Seems like we have so little creative talent left in the world that the Angry Birds app is going to be made in to an Angry Birds film. I wonder if they’ll be producing Angry Birds shaped cheese-flavoured ice-cream snacks for the little ones?

     

  • Pictures of things I hope you don’t own

    I do tend to write about pushing back the tide of digital detritus that washes over us. Pointless crap is not exclusively found on the Internet – see pictures below.

    poop &scoop barbie
    Feeding the dog crap.

    I saw this Poop & Scoop Barbie on sale at Christmas. I was disappointed that the dog’s poo wasn’t pink and sparkling and shaped like a B.

     

    decorated thongs sandals
    Look what came back with me from the (plastic) beach.

    Unfortunately, these didn’t come in my size. I have small-ish feet, and these were designed for the larger lady who wanted the “I’ve just stepped in a bucket of novelty plastic marine crap” look.

     

    ugly owl collection
    A sad sad collection.

    I bought a very tasteful small display cabinet from eBay. At no extra cost, it came with a huge set of hideous owls. Here is a selection of the poor creatures …

     

    Nair glitter wax
    It sparkles and smells like cherry.

    Obviously glitter and artificial cherry fragrence makes ripping out unwanted body hair Fun Fun Fun.

     

    Kitchen gadgets
    That chicken suffered even after it was killed.

    This charming display of kitchen gadgetry includes: Butter Melter (Perfect for melting butter, chocolate and more!); Flavour Injector (Includes two needles and storage case) and a Veggie Twister (Turn your vegetables into attractive spaghetti or spirals in seconds!).