A life less digital

Author: alifelessdigital

  • Too lazy for words

    Greetings from New York. I’ve just popped over for a high-end mini-break with husband.

    If I was a proper blogger, I would be photographing my food and posting pictures up with tasting notes. Or reviewing the toenail art of the woman lounging at the bar.

    But the good camera is broken and we forgot to unlock our mobile phones, so we are without Wandering Web. We are officially free to just go about tourist-ing without sending out a real-life feed of NY delights.

    Use the power of your mind to imagine that the following were posted over the last couple of days:

    • The air is so dry, I think my eyeballs are shrinking.
    • Seared octopus with Umbrian chickpeas, red onion, pickled currants. (Il Buco).
    • Uptown is not necessarily uphill.
    • Gold brocade skinny jeans. (Admired, but did not buy).
    • Gorging ourselves on back-to-back episodes of The Newsroom.
    • 9/11 Memorial was perfect. Black pools of textured water – corrugated, smooth and flowing.
    • If I say “Can I eat that here, please?” he will look at me blankly and reply “To go?”
    • Oooooh, my bunions are aching.
    • $400 is too much for a toy baby standing reindeer. (ABC carpet and home).

    This post was the blog equivalent of ‘freshening up’ a stale bread roll in a microwave. A more nutritionally-balanced post will appear when I’m back.

    Byeeee, Lorraine

  • Tiny tablets and toys

    It was a quiet morning at home. I was pondering the largeness of my multivitamin tablet.

    Then I took some pictures:

    Hello! We love our Omega-3 fish oils.
    Taxi and pill
    Delivering the drugs.
    Jam and toast and multivitamins
    ALL the vitamins you need in one MASSIVE pill.
    pills and pencil
    The love drugs.

    Here’s one I wrote earlier

    I heard a bus shelter singing  In these drippy flannel grey spring days, I love colour. My eyes are hungry for bright shiny colourful things. Like these…

    Pictures of words  Someone has poured concrete in to my sinus cavities (I have a cold). This is a lazy ‘picture post’ today.  I am too tired to write many words, so here are some pictures of words that have made me smile …

  • Make your own laptop

    I was in one of those over-priced Belgian cafes, filled with equal quantities of rustic wooden furniture and jars of chocolate spread.

    Next to me was a smartly dressed family. On a rustic wooden breakfast table, they were occupied thusly:

    • Dad – with iPad resting on muesli bowl.
    • Mum – on iPhone, with salad bowl of coffee.
    • Toddler in high chair – with iPod resting on ridiculous gourmet salt shaker.

    They were probably content and well-fed. To me, they looked like 3 people who were killing time until newer, slightly thinner versions of the other family members are available at the Apple store.

    Digital death

    I spend a lot of energy ‘saving’ my kids from dying an early digital death. As the title of my blog suggests, I’m trying really hard to make sure their lives are not ruled by technology.

    I am failing.

    My children used to make magnificent craft. Behold a scale model of the Great Wall of China.

    Great wall of china in clay
    The great pile of …

    Now, to compensate for the fact that I am depriving them of electronic wizardry, this is what they create:

    the homemade laptop
    Can you tell it’s the Windows startup screen logo?

    And most impressively, there’s a Logitech mouse to go with the paper laptop.

    the homemade mouse
    Logitech’s latest prototype mouse.

    This came back from a school holiday club:

    the homemade mobile
    The screen is a bit small, but it’s got an incredible battery life.

    And our little animal friends frolic in a forest of cables and keyboards.

    little creatures in cables
    The perfect place to hang out.

    I will continue to paddle weakly against the tsunami of digital stuff. I have my inflatable armbands, and kid-proof passwords on all my devices.

    Here’s one I wrote earlier

    Slightly ranting about kids, technology, good and evil. I can’t decide. Internet = evil cesspit of narcissistic idiots chatting to gambling-addicted paedophiles? Or Internet = global community of inspiring humanity sharing knowledge and joy? Depends on which parent I am talking to …

    Things I say to my kids that my mum never said to me. Here are some things I say to my kids that my mum never said to me. Modern parenting just seems a little more complicated these days …

  • As useful as a metaphor

    I like words. I have clever friends who write stories and books and wonderful things. But I have never had an urge to write a book. It sounds like quite a lot of hard slog.

    If it’s true that “everyone has a book inside them”, mine would be a small attractively-designed pamphlet.  I’d use a modern sans-serif font, and include random observations with too many metaphors.

    For example:

    In shorts, his legs were exactly the same beige as his eco-bag. Feisty organic salad vegetables jostled with a local paper and a ball of string. The cucumber was clearly winning.

    Offers of help disappeared, like drops of water in a hot frypan.

    There was a micro-pause in the conversation. A sliver of a second when I could feel my anger rise, as unpleasant as hot bitter orange juice.

    She had lips so thin, she could have been wearing lipstick on her gums.

    I saw an oil slick of black taxis oozing out from the station, sliding in to the pastel purple morning light.

    He had a head shaped like a potato. A potato that you turn over in your hand at the supermarket and put back, because of its weird shape.

    And here’s one I wrote earlier…

    A good night in. It’s been a good night in. Husband is away, so I’ve had some great nights in at home…

    We are all alone, together. Looking down the hill, the lights of the party twinkled and crinkled through the trees. The wafts of voices floated up past me in the dark.

    I heard a bus shelter singing. Last night I heard a bus shelter singing. I was sitting alone, watching the lights of a  basketball court flicker on and off, waiting for the promised number 46.

  • Lazy summer days plus Chipmunks

    Alvin and the Chipmunks have a Facebook page, and an official app. I know this because I have just watched Alvin and the Chipmunks! 3! Chipwrecked! (I added in all those extra apostrophes. It’s that kind of film.)

    Ugly singing proto-squirrels? Yes, it’s school holidays. Late afternoon movies on demand are a special treat here. I get to hear Chipmunks sing Michael Franti AND Katy Perry, whilst I do my cross stitching. I’m  down with the kids.

    [If you need to get involved in their demented furry world – you can Munk Yourself.]

    Anyhoo… It’s warm and bright and summery. I’ve just moved house. I shall increase my lazy summer blog content with some pictures.

    Colourful fudgeA whole lot of fudge. Just looking at this much refined sugar made my teeth ache. I wish I’d asked what flavour the blue one was…

    Jubilee cakesMore blue food. I bought these cakes to celebrate the majestic and dignified reign of Queen Elizabeth II.

    Strange shaped strawberryThis is clearly the missing evolutionary link between strawberry and octopus. Not sure if this supports or refutes the theory of intelligent design, but isn’t it cool?

  • Pictures of my kids, or not?

    My kids are too attractive to put pictures of them in my blog. Their beauty and grace would make you weep tears of joyous wonder over your keyboard, rendering you unable to see or type.

    That’s my back-up reason for not featuring my outstandingly photogenic kids on my blog.

    The real reason is that I feel a bit odd about maxing out their digital presence, before they are old enough to understand and sign a consent form.

    I’m not even sure this blog will be around when they’re old enough to sign this consent form. If it is, the form might look something like this:

    Dear Mum

    (You are great.)

    I give you my permission to include the following in your amazing blog:

    • Pictures of me. I may be looking right at the camera, or it may be one of those secret shots of a pensive child gazing in to the distance.
    • Sound recordings of me. Even if it is a song about being sexy. (I do actually know what ‘sexy’ means.)
    • Videos of me. These include me falling off stuff in a funny but not painful way.
    • Pictures of my AMAZING school art projects. I am an artistic prodigy, after all.

    I understand that all of my friends, relatives and future employers will be able to see these pictures and recordings of me. Complete strangers in foreign lands might even copy them to use in promotional material about pineapple-based health supplements for the whole family.

    (I love you mum.)

    I  ____________  have read and understood the contents of this form.

    Signature

    Date

     

    Here’s one I wrote earlier:

    Show me your private parts. Pre-digital privacy was such a clear concept: Teenage diary with “Keep Out. Private.” written on the cover…

  • First World Problems

    I live in the First World and I have problems. Some people call this ‘White Whine’, but as I’m not technically white, I prefer the term ‘First World Problems’.

    I’ve just returned from a week in the English countryside, where we had a lot of rain, and very little Internet access.

    I found small transient pockets of 3G as we whizzed through towns. As husband drove, I frantically updated and refreshed as many mobile apps as possible. Then I had to put down the phones as we swerved through green hedge-lined tunnels of car-sickness.

    Getting a decent Internet connection was a complete pain in the bum. So we ate a wide and varied selection of fried fish and fried potatoes, moaned about the weather, and watched Jubilee TV.

    Here is my current list of other First World Problems:

    • I don’t buy yoghurt because there are too many choices, and anyway, it’s just a pretend-healthy tub of sugar + dairy nonsense.
    • The cafés at garden centres have uncomfortable seating.
    • My mobile phone screen is always smeared with ear grease.
    • I have too many plastic shopping bags, but I don’t want to put them in the rubbish because they will enter the waterways and strangle dolphins.
    • I still don’t know which of my relatives I should add to Facebook. I think mum has stopped trying to Friend me.
    • I am a little bit embarrassed when my (Chinese) parents bring their own toothpicks to (non-Chinese) restaurants, and pick their teeth after a meal.
    • I don’t have time to read Vanity Fair properly anymore.
    • My Kindle now looks out of date and unfashionable.
    • I still don’t let my kids to wear Crocs in public. Unless we are near a large body of water.
    • I don’t know what threadcount my sheets are.
    • I read blogs written by people who are more creative, funny, rich, stylish and/or youthful than me. It makes me feel inadequate.

  • Get out of my house

    [Warning: This particular blog contains no humour, or wit. It is just me complaining.]

    There are strangers in my house.

    Well, it’s not really mine because we are renting it. That‘s the problem. The landlord is selling the house, and strangers are potential new owners.

    Once again, we are boxing up and moving out.

    The ‘For sale’ sign appeared a few days ago, and a steady stream of smug, anxious professionals is coming through. They want to buy ‘my house’.

    My son’s face crumpled slightly when I told him that we have to move, so I talked up all the positives. New = good. It’s exciting. Woohoo…

    I could write something thoughtful about having a sense of place; connection to physical structures; belonging in a community; the need to ‘nest’… blah blah blah. Instead, I will just say that I slightly want to vomit at the thought of moving house again.

    [Insert wise words “At least you’re not moving overseas.” or sensible comments “You’ve done it so many times before, just get on with it.”]

    Our local squirrel has offered to help me pack.

    And here’s one I wrote earlier…

    Where do you go when you press Home? Does your life have a ‘Home’ button? I’m back home (Sydney) after a brief visit to London (new home).

  • A good night in

    It’s been a good night in

    Husband is away, so I’ve had some great nights in at home. I have been surrounded by: 

    • Hand, foot, cuticle and nail potions
    • All the remote controls and phones in the house (some now with very supple heels and strong nails…)
    • Endless singing and talent TV shows
    • A selection of remaining Easter chocolate and party bag sweets
    • All the cushions.

    I’m not really alone as the kids are asleep upstairs.

    I love going to tuck the kids in before I go to bed. I re-arrange their duvets over disordered limbs and dense breathing. They smell clean.

    They’re still and complete and quietly humming with life. Like small people-shaped batteries, furiously recharging themselves on dreams of zombies, rainbow flowers, vanilla fudge and high-speed trains.

    Or maybe that’s what I’ll be dreaming of, after a little too much chocolate and cuticle conditioner. 

    Good night. 

  • I heard a bus shelter singing

    Last night I heard a bus shelter singing. I was sitting alone, watching the lights of a  basketball court flicker on and off, waiting for the promised number 46. There was a gentle “Ah – oooo. Ah.” Like Ladysmith Black Mambazo (circa 1986) under a large bucket. It was a calming, meditative repetition of those 3 notes.

    This bus stop whale song was magical, until I realised it was coming from the shelter’s brightly lit advertising sign. Each time it scrolled to a new ad for highly engineered underwear or lifestyle drinks, a distant South African choir sang sadly: “Ah – oooo. Ah.”

    Colour starvation

    In these drippy flannel grey spring days, I love colour. My eyes are hungry for bright shiny colourful things. Like these…

    Resin chopsticks
    Resin chopsticks against a sad grey sky.

    I’ve never used these as chopsticks. Far too chunky and clunky, and slightly bent from the move to the UK. But beautiful to look at. [Dinosaur Designs resin.]

    bright fabric
    Happy patterns and colours

    Well, look what happens when I shop for clothes on a dull flat day… [Very creased Josh Goot and some faux-Missoni.]

    wizard of oz felt rainbow
    Wizard of Oz felt rainbow

    Look how utterly terrifying that faceless flying monkey thing is.

    magic carpet
    The magic carpet

    This is a magic carpet and a prayer mat. That’s the kind of school we go to here.

    And here’s one I wrote earlier…

    Pretty things offscreen. The more of my time that is sucked up by websites, email, television and mobile phones, the more I appreciate solid physical beauty.  Here are some pictures of pretty things I have seen offscreen…

    Wandering in the www garden.  I tend to lose all concept of time as soon as I open up a web browser. I start with a task (e.g. look up a train timetable), then somehow find myself 1 hour later looking at pictures of husband and wife cutlery.